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cremation costs

November 4th, 2015 at 03:28 pm

My brother in law called. He got the bill for the cremation and it was $1900. I have no idea how much a cremation should cost.
Anyway, he can not pay the bill.
A little background on my brother in law and sister in law. They are both 59. He has owned his own business for about 20 years. He usually makes in excess of $100,000 a year and she works too.
They own a house on a lake and they bought all the surrounding lots. (They have since lost all the lots)
They have 12 cars and 5 horses.
They "had" to buy a $50,000 horse trailer. (It has sleeping quarters, a/c etc.) They can't make the payments.
They are still paying for their daughter's $50,000 wedding from 7 years ago. (She got divorced after 1 year.
They go on long trips to Disney world (2 weeks or more at a time) even though they live 1/2 hour away and could easily go home.
They can't pay their house taxes and have to redeem them at a premium each year.
FIL put all of his savings into their savings account about 20 years ago. (Why, I don't know, except she worked at a bank.) BIL and SIL spent it all.

Should we pay for the cremation or tell him to sell some of the antiques or antique cars (4) to pay for it? What would you do?

20 Responses to “cremation costs”

  1. creditcardfree Says:
    1446651504

    I would definitely try to get them to cover the costs since they were the one's that inherited all the money, right? Of course, I also don't find it wrong to pay for it if it brings you and your husband peace of mind.

  2. Butterscotch Says:
    1446652106

    I wouldn't pay it. Didn't he get everything in the will? Is there nothing that can be sold? Just tell them you cant afford it either- end of story. They cant argue with the same excuse they are giving.

  3. starfishy Says:
    1446652521

    obviously, it's a personal choice to be made by you and your husband, but i wouldn't pay for it. how the brother can even ask for it after reading the will that your hubby was left out of is beyond me. i would just tell them you don't have the money - no suggestions on selling stuff or whatever - just say you don't have the money and good luck. no discussion. that description of your BIL/SIL is disturbing. it sounds like no one has ever said no to them before. sorry you are dealing with this. good luck to you and your hubby.

  4. Ima saver Says:
    1446652609

    They can sell the duplex, as a matter of fact, I am sure they will. BIL already mentioned that he cannot pay the taxes on the duplex. There are also 4 antique cars (packards) and an entire room full of antiques (collected for over 60 years)
    (Plus, a newer car, house furnishings, fenton glasswear collection, etc.)

  5. crazyliblady Says:
    1446652694

    They must be in debt up to their eyeballs to do that kind of stuff but not be able to pay an unexpected bill of $1900. Hmm... I wonder what they will do with the inheritance, spend it on useless shinies or get out of debt??

  6. starfishy Says:
    1446652889

    sorry to chime in here again, but i think the deceased's estate traditionally pays for the funeral expenses. BIL is now the executor, so he would be responsible for finding the money. again, sorry you and your hubby are dealing with this. good luck.

  7. Butterscotch Says:
    1446653111

    I would ask to see the will.

  8. MonkeyMama Says:
    1446653143

    I was going to say, I'd tell them the estate can pay for it. Yeesh!

  9. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:
    1446659165

    The nerve!

    I agree with starfishy and MonkeyMomma. The estate can pay.

  10. My English Castle Says:
    1446673332

    Yep, the estate pays.

  11. Ima saver Says:
    1446675811

    Thank you all. I will tell hubby that the estate should pay the bill.

  12. snafu Says:
    1446677487

    This is far more complicated than the executor seems to realize. There is a long list of duties required and a lot of bills yet to come. There are tax forms, probate, transferring ownership of vehicles, property etc. DBIL will need to dispose of all the incidentals, legal and accounting costs, the government is involved with SS for example. I wouldn't want to get between the brothers but your DH should hear your views, the consensus of SA participants and legally the estate, via the executor is responsible.

  13. PatientSaver Says:
    1446682327

    I haven't yet researched cremation costs, but here in expensive CT I can tell you a regular plot costs $900 and you're charged another $400 to open and close the earth ($100 more on Saturday)

    If you choose to bury the crested remains, you can buy a 3 x 3 foot plot for $500, which can hold up to 2 sets of cremated remains.

    If you choose to pay, make sure you see the actual bill.

  14. PatientSaver Says:
    1446682490

    PS I'm sorry, but they can't come up with $1900 and he makes $100K a year? I don't buy it!

  15. Miz Pat Says:
    1446684688

    Yuppers, they should pay it. They got the money, they got the estate. It is their responsibility.

    Tell them you can't help.

  16. scfr Says:
    1446688407

    Have you and your husband actually seen the will? Are you sure your father in law didn't leave anything to your husband, or are you just taking your BIL's word for it? It seems a little fishy to me and in your husband's shoes I think I'd want to see the will.

    If what your BIL is saying the will says really is true, if there are some things that your husband really wants for sentimental reasons, and if he feels that he wants to help with the final expenses, maybe he could negotiate something with your BIL, some kind of swap, like paying for the cremation costs (directly to the cremation company, NOT to the BIL) but only AFTER he receives some of the antiques. And I'd hope he'd put the agreement in writing.

    While I know we're only hearing one side of the story, the BIL sounds like someone who always has his hand out.

  17. Livingalmostlarge Says:
    1446694998

    The estate pays. Have you seen the will?

  18. Thrifty Ray Says:
    1446696904

    Im so sorry Julie. This must be so tough on your husband. I agree with the others that the money should come out of the estate to pay for the cremation. It sounds like there is ample ways for the estate to pay this bill- XO to you.

  19. greenleaf Says:
    1446733819

    The estate pays all outstanding bills BEFORE whatever remains is distributed to the people inheriting. This includes making sure all taxes are settled, etc before taking the money.

    It sounds like this might partially explain the terms of the will- because your husband never asked for money and his brother is always "broke," his father might have decided to leave the money to the "needier" child. Of course it avoids hurt feelings if these things are discussed in advance, but it's not uncommon. My parents have already been told they are out of my grandparents' will because they have been very responsible over the years and don't need it, but two other siblings have no retirement savings at all in their late 50s.

  20. Ima saver Says:
    1446737723

    Patient saver, there is already a double plot purchased in a cemetary. FIL's wife's ashes ae buried there. He is to be buried next to her, so no expense for the burial plot.
    FIL was always talking about how middle son needed money and he sold his coin collection to give him money a few years ago. FIL blamed middle son's wife on all the money problems and wanted nothing to do with her. If I had a child who could not handle money, I think I would leave my money equally to both children, but in a trust for the spendy son, to be doled out a little each year to help pay for property taxes and house payments.

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