Today is a special day to me and it makes me think about my life so many years ago.
I did not have a happy first marriage and my first husband physically abused me. I guess it made him feel like a "big man". Well, he was. He was 6 feet 7 inches tall and I am 5 feet 2 inches tall.
I remember the very first time he hit me. We both worked; I made $1 an hour and he made about $1.25 an hour.
We had not been married very long. His cousin wanted us to go to the dog track and gamble with him.
I said "we can't afford that"
When we got home, he hit me and told me never to say that again. I don't remember if I ever said that again, but it did not take much for him to hit me again!
When I moved out, we split our assets equally. Within about 2 years, he was broke. He wound up living with his new in laws and never had any money the rest of his life. He never owned a house again, he could not "afford it"!
That was 31 years ago, when I moved out the first week of January, 1977.
Thirty one years ago today, I met my darling husband on a blind date!
We can't afford that.
February 18th, 2008 at 02:53 pm
February 18th, 2008 at 03:18 pm 1203347932
As we've spoken of before I too married/divorced the first time in 1977 - early last week would have been my anniversary, also to an abuser. I did not stay. I am a relatively quick study and did not want that to be my lifestyle.
I too am now married to a wonderful man!!
Thankfully we are both in better places in our lives. Yea me and ImaSaver!!
Here's to us and having calm cool attitudes about what is reasonable in the spending realm.
February 18th, 2008 at 03:22 pm 1203348166
February 18th, 2008 at 03:33 pm 1203348809
Second time around are usually gems! My mom was married to an abuser. She was able to leave after several years and we were kind of poor, but happy. My mom has been married to my dear step-father for 28 years and he is a GEM. Glad that you guys all found dears!
February 18th, 2008 at 03:38 pm 1203349137
February 18th, 2008 at 04:25 pm 1203351906
February 18th, 2008 at 07:16 pm 1203362207
Too many women are scared to go because they can't support themselves. too many women make decisions based on money and its power over our lives.
But you are walking testimony to resilience!
February 18th, 2008 at 08:57 pm 1203368268
February 18th, 2008 at 10:12 pm 1203372750
February 18th, 2008 at 10:38 pm 1203374324
Ima saver, I always look forward to reading your blogs. I'm so happy your hubby is a keeper! I admire strong women like you.
My Mom always told me,"Honey you must have a savings account under your name only in case your husband turns out to be a bum, you can kick him in the a** and leave!" I took this advice at heart and about 12 years ago I opened by own savings account, which since then has grown to more than $14000.
My husband knows about it and he has even given me money to fund the account. He tells me that if he had a daughter, he would've opened an account for her himself. My hubby is a keeper too!
February 19th, 2008 at 01:22 am 1203384175
February 19th, 2008 at 08:56 pm 1203454599
Financially, this is another reason why I am now personally adamant about keeping finances separate. It's not just to protect myself, but it can protect the other as well. Of course, no financial arrangement is perfect, and I wouldn't mind if someone wanted ME to handle all of the finances. However, I simply refuse to let anyone else handle my finances again. We need to protect ourselves as well as each other.