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Why should I care??

32 Responses to “Why should I care??”

1. JanH Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 04:12 pm 1182269563
   1182269563
   I think you want to be treated the way you would treat others. And you wouldn't treat someone the way he treated you. I feel the same way a lot of times. He's probably criticizing you when he should be examining himself. He probably knows he should be doing better and attacking you is easier than self examination. Don't worry, you have a lot of love and admiration for what you do on this site!

2. scfr Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 04:19 pm 1182269986
   1182269986

3. scfr Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 04:20 pm 1182270024
   1182270024
   I guess we care because we're human. Someone I'm very close to is a big-time spendthrift who sometimes mocks me for saving money, and it can be hurtful. One day she was standing in my kitchen drinking a cup of coffee (Costco's private label brand) I had made for her from a mug that I happen to think is perfectly pretty enough (from the clearance shelf at Target). She pointed to it and with a strange grin on her face and in a very mocking tone asked, "Did you buy this at a garage sale?"
   
   Her attitude is: If you have some money, why not spend it on expensive things?
   
   What she just doesn't get is that if I was always running around buying expensive things I wouldn't have any money saved. It's not like I have a money tree growing in my back yard.
   
   Perhaps her mockery is a result of her discomfort knowing that she could be doing a lot more to prepare for her future, and her emotional defense against that is to mock me.
   
   The way I try to protect myself emotionally from people who may not appreciate my money-saving efforts is to not talk about money outside of this forum or with very close family members. Unfortunately, when people are part of your life they do pick up clues from how you live your life, hence the occasional mockery.

4. Aleta Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 04:24 pm 1182270248
   1182270248
   Ima: This happens because this is really their belief system. My husband has some of that mentality too. I'll show him how much I've saved and he will just look at me. I try to save coupons for him but I'm not going to do it anymore.
   
   Up to now, I have been doing my own $20 Savings Challenge and I have opened 2 accounts always including my husband on the accounts as I always have. The money is intended for retirement. I have been thinking about just making it my account, but leaving it to him should something happen to me. I just want to see what adding my own savings and resources will add to the retirement.
   
   I think I now understand why Suze Orman wants women to own their own account. I think that there is power and a certain amount of satisfaction in it.
   
   As for that guy, just consider the source and forget it. He doesn't get it.

5. Ima saver Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 04:43 pm 1182271431
   1182271431
   I agree. My very best friend makes fun of me sometimes when i say " I can afford that" She will say, oh yes you can!! I guess I should say, I chose not to afford that. My husband kids me sometimes when i will say, oh I saved $7 today using coupons at the grocery store. He will say, does that mean I don't have to work this week?? But I think he is really proud of me for saving, so he can quit work some day.

6. Aleta Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 04:50 pm 1182271825
   1182271825
   Sometimes I think that others saying things like that honestly feel like they are trying to save us from ourselves. They confuse being cheap with being frugal. I, like you treat myself to some things that mean alot to me. If I lived the way we did before, I could not do some of the things I do now. Oh, I guess I could if I charged everything.

7. daybyday Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 04:58 pm 1182272320
   1182272320
   I'm guessing that the next time he sits down to pay a stack of bills he'll recall your response and realize you have a good point, though he'll probably never admit it to you.

8. My English Castle Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 05:02 pm 1182272523
   1182272523
   Dave Ramsay has a frequent riff about broke people making fun of a frugal lifestyle. It's usually based on insecurity, isn't it? And if he saw four dollars on the street, don't you think your complaining guy would pick it up?
   You do a great job--people are sometimes mean and stupid

9. scfr Says:
   June 19th, 2007 at 05:06 pm 1182272763
   1182272763
   Ima, that's so funny about what your husband says, because mine will sometimes jokingly ask if he can take the rest of the year off! [He's obviously not as much of a workaholic as your DH!]
   
   MyEnglishCastle, that's interesting to hear what Dave Ramsey has to say ... I had suspected those hurtful comments were about insecurity, and it sounds like that is right.

10. disneysteve Says:
    June 19th, 2007 at 05:53 pm 1182275605
    1182275605
    We were at my cousins' house recently for dinner. A couple of times during the course of the evening DW or I made some comment about saving money or getting something cheap somewhere. Finally, my one cousin said, "I hope they find a way to bury you with all that money you're saving."
    
    Was I offended or hurt by that comment? Not at all. Why? Because I happen to know that my cousin recently turned 65 and won't be retiring anytime soon, if ever, because they can't afford for him to stop working. Perhaps if he had lived more along the lines of how DW and I choose to live, he could be living a life of leisure now.
    
    We'll keep on shopping sales and outlets and using coupons and be retired years younger than my cousin.

11. madhaus90 Says:
    June 19th, 2007 at 06:05 pm 1182276356
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    I am surrounded by people with similar attitudes. Might I add these people include: my best friend who is 40-somoething singleton who cannot support herself - every real estate tax payment is drama - she has a Prosper loan at 17% and had to REFI on a ARM 2nd mortgage; BUT she spends big money on a whim (her dog eats organic food and diets on salmon) and she has Starbuck's every day. She also gets highly offended when I point out she needs a budget. AND the other is by brother, a lawyer who makes $2K more than my DH and has massive credit card debt. We have less money but a larger mortgage AND four kids (three in a parochial school). I put up with comments like ALDI's is similar to a food pantry, my clothing is dated (name brand and clean and several years old). I am always tempted to say, "And what is your net worth?" but I never do. I guess personal satisfaction in my own money management skills makes me feel soemwhat smugly superior - I know ... not very Christian.

12. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:
    June 19th, 2007 at 07:05 pm 1182279939
    1182279939
    Seems like this is not the first time you've had a negative reaction about frugality on that site. Maybe it is better to avoid that topic there....But if the man is of significantly lesser means than you, he may think that you are insensitive or bragging. He could find it annoying that you can afford to buy the item discounted by $4 when he cannot afford to buy it even discounted. Perhaps his reaction sounded dismissive and judgmental, but perhaps it really comes from wishing that he, too, could afford to buy such items even at the discounted price.

13. Ima saver Says:
    June 19th, 2007 at 07:08 pm 1182280138
    1182280138
    Disneysteve, i can relate. Some of the women on the forum have told me that I can't take the money with me at my funeral. I am not trying to. My husband has always been self employed, so we have no pension. We are going to have to live on what we save, plus a little from social security.

14. Ima saver Says:
    June 19th, 2007 at 09:58 pm 1182290280
    1182290280
    Well, I was talking about a coupon for $4 off of prilosec which my husband takes for heartburn. This guy goes nightclubbing all the time he is single) so I doubt he is jealous of my talking about prilosec. The topic on the other forum is "what frugal thing did you do today/"

15. boomeyers Says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 02:31 am 1182306671
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    Let it roll off your back like water on a duck! Don't let those people bully you again!

16. baselle Says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 03:31 am 1182310282
    1182310282
    You know, its weird that people think that savers save money. We might save a bit of money in a mattress or a change jar, but when you think about it we put our "savings" in a bank to get interest, maybe put it in a single stock, or a T-bill, or a DRP, or an index or mutual fund. We savers buy appreciating assets - stuff that makes money for us, sure, but we are really making capital so that banks can make loans, government can run (a T-bill makes me as patriotic as a soldier), businesses can make things and services, and the economy can run. Consumers are necessary, but why make fun of us capitalists?

17. disneysteve Says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 01:15 pm 1182345354
    1182345354
    Not only that, baselle, but we also "save" money one place so we can spend it somewhere else. There is a thread over on the Disney board, and this same topic comes up periodically, asking how people can afford to go to Disney World every year. The responses have all been pretty similar. Those of us who go every year can afford to do so because we live below our means and lead frugal lives. We also take budget trips, staying offsite, eating in our room, finding discount codes, driving instead of flying, and various other money-saving methods. So using that $4 coupon might give someone $4 in their vacation fund that they didn't already have. Many people think folks who do Disney annually are all rich. In reality, most are of average means but just make that annual trip a financial priority and willingly sacrifice other things to make that trip possible.

18. Aleta Says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 01:39 pm 1182346780
    1182346780
    Last year my son and his wife announced that they were traveling to Italy. My first response was wow how did you manage that? He was very defensive and said," we don't have an expensive house payment, we don't drive new cars, we don't buy expensive clothing,etc." I just wanted to know how they managed to get there (days off). He also had inlaws that rented a villa over there and their children took turns going there. Plus, my son and his wife have frequent flyer miles. There are ways you can save and should take advantage of opportunities. When he made that statement, he was in front of other people and I'm sure many have tried to make them feel guilty about their lifestyle.
    
    Like Steve said, it's about living below your means, trading off in certain areas, and looking for the deals.

19. Ima saver Says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 01:57 pm 1182347841
    1182347841
    That is the greatest thing about this forum. You can talk about saving money, clipping coupons, buying on sale, etc., and no one makes fun of you. Of course, no one should make fun of anyone! I have to laught. One time, a woman on the forum told me I had a very ugly car too!!

20. Aleta Says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 03:20 pm 1182352810
    1182352810
    Ima: You really have to wonder where these people are coming from. I have a sister that just says the wierdest things off the top of her head, with no regard to others. They really do that to get a response from you. Then they wonder why they don't have many friends.
    
    This is a safe place to talk about what you're doing without feeling like you're a wierdo. I bet alot on these forums felt like something was wrong with them until they hooked up to like people.
    
    This reminds me of support groups. Often the people going there feel like they are crazy until they hear similiar stories of others in the group. It gives what you are feeling legitimacy.
    

21. Amber Says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 04:34 pm 1182357262
    1182357262
    You know that same guy/person may be living check to check and if he is sick one day he wouldn't have money to eat. It drives me crazy as well. Keep doing what you do and I am hoping one day to be in your shoes with a paid off
    mortgage

22. jonathan Says:
    June 20th, 2007 at 09:52 pm 1182376338
    1182376338
    people like that will be singing a different tune when they turn 60 or 65.

23. ccraw Says:
    June 21st, 2007 at 03:01 am 1182394874
    1182394874
    I've been reading this forum for almost a year and I know this is the third or fourth time it's been posted about trouble on that website, it seems to me that after the stalker episode you'd quit posting over there as you know how they are.

24. Nic Says:
    June 21st, 2007 at 12:59 pm 1182430783
    1182430783
    $4.00 here,$.05 there,another $2.00 from coupons....before you know it, you have $12,228 in your challenge fund. Jealousy is a nasty beast and it's best to avoid trolls such as some of those on your other board.
    I recently had a coupon for $4.00 off to fix a flat. Not only did I use it, but they gave me another coupon, a BOGO for an oil and lube. I also gained some new friends in the process at the tire shop and plan to take all of my business there. You never know where money will take you.
    Many of us, such as disneysteve live way below our means just so we can take nice vacations. SO and I are going to a Keiko Matsui jazz concert on Saturday and scored front row seats. Ca$h. Hotel paid for in advance w/ca$h. Ca$h already set aside for meals.
    You're doing a great job Ima and you're an inspiration to many of us here. Leave the trolls. They aren't worth your time and effort.

25. Ima saver Says:
    June 21st, 2007 at 04:50 pm 1182444626
    1182444626
    It is the town that I live in, the local forum. I can't leave because of a few stalkers and bad mouthers. I have met and made a lot of nice friends on that forum.

26. nance Says:
    June 22nd, 2007 at 07:41 pm 1182541269
    1182541269
    I get the same response from a couple of family members.
    I let one couple and their kids stay at our cottage on a lake in Texas (that is paid for, as is our house) and he was miffed because we didn't have Starbucks coffee. Another spends money like crazy, and has little to show for it although he makes over $200.000. a year. He is deeply in debt, and has little savings, and no college funds for his five kids. I just smile and say being frugal is a good thing. Most of the furniture in their house was given to them by me,for thier kids, and I started college funds for the kids. I make a small per centage of what he makes!

27. LuxLivingFrugalis Says:
    June 24th, 2007 at 11:14 am 1182683675
    1182683675
    Ima, you could quote my signature line to him, but I don't think it would penetrate. Sometimes people get an understanding of money issues at birth/home training, others of us it sometimes takes years of beating our head against the wall!
    
    Don't let the turkeys get you down. For everyone that 'poo-poos' your ideas there are likely 9 or 10 others who are reading and learning!
    
    ~LuxLivingFrugalis
    
    "Economy is a poor man's revenue; extravagance, a rich man's ruin." ~~??, frontspiece, The American Frugal Housewife, by Lydia Maria Child, Harper & Row, 1836 edition (dedicated to those who are not ashamed of economy).
    

28. Amber Says:
    June 24th, 2007 at 09:23 pm 1182720234
    1182720234
    Well said Lux

29. Maismom Says:
    June 25th, 2007 at 10:55 pm 1182812110
    1182812110
    Ahhh, I know those people.
    
    This girl who used to work for me, who constantly complained she is broke. One day, she was telling me that she has no money, no food, and has a 5 years old son to feed. I told her how I clip coupons and save a lot of $$ for grocery. Did she listen to me? Nah. She is too good to clip coupons even though she is so broke, I guess.
    
    On the other hand, I have an intern who inherited some $$ from her grandfather. She has all the money in her invenstment account and waiting for it to grow. I taught her how to use coupons, and she is really hooked. She is saving a ton of money using coupons.
    
    So, these are two fine examples of how people are. People are broke because they set themselves to be broke!! Don't be bothered by comments these "broke" people make. They won't understand it, that's why they are in the situation they're in.

30. Ima saver Says:
    June 26th, 2007 at 03:54 pm 1182873260
    1182873260
    Mais, I think you do know these people.

31. sicilyyoder Says:
    July 3rd, 2007 at 10:52 pm 1183503159
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    I totally agree- some folks think I'm nuts too- but I know where I'm headed- whereas they usually don't.

32. Amber Says:
    July 6th, 2007 at 02:43 am 1183689829
    1183689829
    it is funny, because i have/had a friend who has changed her number 3x because of bill collectors but yet foes to jamaica because she needs a break

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