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Hurt

November 3rd, 2015 at 07:08 pm

My husband called his younger brother yesterday. (There were 3 brothers; the youngest died unexpectly about 7 years ago, my husband is the oldest son.)
His dad's body was cremated yesterday.
Brother read the will. The house and all the cars (including 3 antique packards) will go to the middle son. Everything else is to be divided between his live in girlfriend (of 22 years,) the middle son and the middle son's two daughters (both in their 20's)

No mention of my husband at all. I know he has to be so hurt, although he is not talking about it. He loved his father very much and went to visit him every year. This year, he made a special trip to find them some help with the house. He founds a lady to come in and clean and take them out to shop. Since money was tight, we agreed to pay for the cleaning lady and have been sending them money every month.

There is nothing that we need or want, but I am saddened by the hurt I know my husband has to be feeling. He has always been a good son, a good man and someone to be proud of. I wish I knew what to say to comfort him.

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments »

12 Responses to “Hurt”

  1. mich Says:
    November 3rd, 2015 at 08:09 pm 1446581340
    1446581340

    Ima.. so sorry to hear that. Sending good thoughts and prayers to you and your husband. You are both blessed to have one another...

  2. Petunia 100 Says:
    November 3rd, 2015 at 09:29 pm 1446586197
    1446586197

    That is hurtful. Perhaps the thinking was that your husband didn't need the money. But, it doesn't feel good to be excluded. Frown

  3. creditcardfree Says:
    November 3rd, 2015 at 09:34 pm 1446586488
    1446586488

    That is sad. However, this isn't necessarily the whole story or a true reflection of his feelings towards your husband. Just remind him that he was a good son because he was.

  4. Ima saver Says:
    November 3rd, 2015 at 09:46 pm 1446587171
    1446587171

    Yes, we are both blessed to have each other and I know he was a very good son. You are right, he did not need money and the other brother did. But it would have been a nice gesture to be left a little keepsake to remember his father by.

  5. CB in the City Says:
    November 3rd, 2015 at 10:52 pm 1446591168
    1446591168

    I suspect his father did not mean to hurt him, and he probably felt he was taking care of the one who needed the money. A remembrance would have been nice, but men are not always tuned in to things like that. He probably assumed your husband would understand and didn't even think about the emotional impact.

  6. MonkeyMama Says:
    November 3rd, 2015 at 11:02 pm 1446591742
    1446591742

    That is so sad. Frown

  7. PatientSaver Says:
    November 3rd, 2015 at 11:34 pm 1446593693
    1446593693

    I agree with CB. Some people choose to leave the inheritance to those children who really need it. You can't equate how much money someone leaves you with how much they loved you.

    I would not do it that way because I know it would hurt, but not everyone thinks that way. As a parent, you want to be sure your children will be okay when you're gone, and he probably knew your husband was doing just fine.

  8. Ima saver Says:
    November 3rd, 2015 at 11:46 pm 1446594382
    1446594382

    I would agree that the brother did not have any money, but he always earned far more than my hubby did, he just blew it all. I still think a little keepsake (he had hundreds of antiques, he collected them for over 60 years) would have been a nice keepsake for my husband. I think he feels so left out and I hate to see him hurt. When he hurts, so do I.

  9. starfishy Says:
    November 4th, 2015 at 01:27 am 1446600446
    1446600446

    i am so sorry to hear this. i can completely understand why your hubby feels hurt - being excluded from a will sounds painful in addition to the fact that he's dealing with the grief of losing his father. it does seem odd that nothing was left to him. i hate to even wonder this, but is there any chance that the brother is not fully disclosing the contents of the will? will your hubby get to see a copy of it? ugh. i am so sorry that you both are dealing with this - sending you hugs.

  10. Joan.of.the.Arh Says:
    November 4th, 2015 at 01:32 am 1446600747
    1446600747

    Oh, what was your FIL thinking? Not even a keepsake?...Julie, do you think there could be a way to get the brother, his mate, or his grandaughters to understand and to offer your something to at least remember his father by? Maybe the granddaughters would be soft-hearted. Surely they've got to understand!

  11. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    November 4th, 2015 at 03:22 am 1446607324
    1446607324

    Wow. That sure is tough. I agree with Joan - see if maybe the brother would be willing to send some kind of a keepsake for your husband.

  12. Nika Says:
    November 6th, 2015 at 03:03 pm 1446822190
    1446822190

    I'm so sorry. That was really a bad way of handling it on father's part. Even if the father felt this son did not need the inheritance as much as the other people, he could have mentioned him in the will, explained his reason, mentioned that he is proud of him and happy he does not need to worry about him, leave him something sentimental to show thought...

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