I am over 70, but still feel like I am just 7. I love to go dancing with my wonderful husband of almost 40 years.Since we have never earned a lot of money, we have learned to take care of what we have. We live in the mountains in north georgia in a big beautiful house that my husband build and it is mortgage free. Now I am trying to save so my "younger" husband can retire someday.
We talked to my FIL last night for the first time since his youngest son was found dead. He seems to be taking it pretty well. He is 87. He seemed more worried about his middle son.
I told you about my BIL back around the first of the year.
When MIL died back in 1992, FIL deeded his duplex over to his 3 sons. This year, the duplex needed a new roof. We offered to pay our 1/3 (approx. $4000) but the other 2 sons did not have the money.
Middle BIL had his own business and made great money, but he spent it all. He lived in a lake front house, had several other lake front lots, 12 cars/vehicles and 7 horses.
So, he went and took out a home equity loan for $50,000 in all three brothers names. He sent us the paper to sign, but we refused. I wrote to the bank to tell them to take us off the loan, but they never answered me back, so I don't know what the status is.
Now middle BIL is broke and has no work.(home building has stopped)So FIL is worried sick about what middle son is going to do.
All those years of making really great money and he is broke now. I am talking a 6 figure income for over 20 years. I can't say that I am really surprised.
I am so sorry that your husband lost his brother so unexpectedly. Your FIL's concern about his middle son may be a displacement of the grief and powerlessness he cannot yet deal with at the death of his youngest son, so he is tranferring his emotions to the son who is in trouble and still alive. He is probably still numb with the shock of the news.
I do hope that you can find a way through these family difficulties, both emotional and financial. Do check on the home equity loan situation and the deed on the duplex. If your BIL is in default, you'll want to avoid incurring costly legal fees to prove that your DH did not sign the loan documents and that his name is not on the title.
And unfortunately, regardless of the legalities, both your FIL and BIL may try to convince your DH to help BIL financially, out of "family loyalty" since he has the financial means. You know that is often how it goes in family dynamics. So talk it over with DH and be prepared for how you will deal with it, in case it comes up.
I'm sure your FIL is grieving the death of his son, and feeling guilty, especially if it was a suicide. The financial situation his other son is in, probably worries FIL that this son might do something desperate. Parents will always worry about their kids, no matter how old they are.
Maybe this will be a good time for the spendthrift brother to change his ways, and learn to live on less.s
If you didn't sign anything, then you shouldn't be on the loan. I do feel for you and your family. When finances are in the mix, it makes things harder.
I remembered your story and learned from it. It was the reason why when my sister and I were co-deeded the farmette, I asked that we set up an account that we contribute equally to and that would be the funding for emergencies, taxes, and projects that we would agree to. Funding first, then the project.
I hope the middle BIL makes the right decisions, and I pray that this wasn't the reason that the youngest BIL passed.
September 9th, 2008 at 02:29 pm 1220970572
I told you about my BIL back around the first of the year.
When MIL died back in 1992, FIL deeded his duplex over to his 3 sons. This year, the duplex needed a new roof. We offered to pay our 1/3 (approx. $4000) but the other 2 sons did not have the money.
Middle BIL had his own business and made great money, but he spent it all. He lived in a lake front house, had several other lake front lots, 12 cars/vehicles and 7 horses.
So, he went and took out a home equity loan for $50,000 in all three brothers names. He sent us the paper to sign, but we refused. I wrote to the bank to tell them to take us off the loan, but they never answered me back, so I don't know what the status is.
Now middle BIL is broke and has no work.(home building has stopped)So FIL is worried sick about what middle son is going to do.
All those years of making really great money and he is broke now. I am talking a 6 figure income for over 20 years. I can't say that I am really surprised.
September 9th, 2008 at 03:05 pm 1220972727
Very touchy subject....
I hope your FIL won't worry too much about his son. I would think that it's probably the last thing he needs on his plate right now.
Anyway, please take care, and again, good for you for refusing to sign!
By the way, you have duplicate entries....
September 9th, 2008 at 03:57 pm 1220975821
I do hope that you can find a way through these family difficulties, both emotional and financial. Do check on the home equity loan situation and the deed on the duplex. If your BIL is in default, you'll want to avoid incurring costly legal fees to prove that your DH did not sign the loan documents and that his name is not on the title.
And unfortunately, regardless of the legalities, both your FIL and BIL may try to convince your DH to help BIL financially, out of "family loyalty" since he has the financial means. You know that is often how it goes in family dynamics. So talk it over with DH and be prepared for how you will deal with it, in case it comes up.
September 9th, 2008 at 09:07 pm 1220994457
Maybe this will be a good time for the spendthrift brother to change his ways, and learn to live on less.s
September 10th, 2008 at 02:39 am 1221014359
September 10th, 2008 at 05:51 am 1221025917
I hope the middle BIL makes the right decisions, and I pray that this wasn't the reason that the youngest BIL passed.