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Kind of sad

August 6th, 2006 at 07:15 am

I have really enjoyed this forum the past seven months. Yesterday, one of the members on here accused me of sponging off my husband because I don't work, and it made me feel kind of sad.
How can we judge and say unkind things to people that we don't even know?
Did he read that I started work at age 12 and worked for over 40 years since then. Did he know that my last full time job was working 7 nights a week? Did he know that my husband asked me to quit so that I could stay home with him at night?
A big thank you to all of the really nice people on this forum that have made me feel happy to be here!!!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | 29 Comments »

29 Responses to “Kind of sad”

  1. Thrifty Ray Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 07:58 am

    Julie, I believe it is called envy. Dont take to heart those thoughtless words...as they are a symptom of a problem HE has...not you.

  2. ima saver Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 08:09 am

    Thank you RaY!! You bring sunshine into my life!

  3. Kira Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 09:24 am

    People like that are assholes. No one has the right to judge another person's living situation. And people who assume that somebody who stays home is not doing anything productive are also assholes.

  4. ima saver Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 09:41 am

    Thanks Kira. I do keep all the books for all the houses my husband is building, pay all of the businesses bills, balance the check books, etc. I have even helped him put wood on the ceiling last year

  5. rob62521 Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 10:31 am

    How anyone can judge you is beyond me. You've worked outside the home and now you work in the home supporting your husband as he works outside the home. It isn't like you are out hitting malls and spending "his" money while he does without and sees credit card bills and not you. Don't let it get you down. Some people are just plain mean.

  6. Bookie Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 10:37 am

    I agree with what the others said, both here and in the forum before the thread was tidied up. You have no reason to give any credit to a poster who was obviously acting on unworthy motives. What's sad is that the internet allows the playground bully mentality to emerge in what should be adult discussion.

    No one doubts that you are an equal contributor in your personal affairs, just as you are a valued participant on this forum. Your good sense and good example are an inspiration to us all, and we are the richer because you share here.

    Incidentally, in East Tenn. we have a saying, "You don't kick a dog because it barks." It's the nature of a dog to bark, but we don't dignify its yapping by paying it attention.

    Regards

  7. rob62521 Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 12:19 pm

    Well said, bookie!

  8. ima saver Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 12:32 pm

    Thank you so much rob and bookie!

  9. miclason Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 01:11 pm

    so, you "don't work" because you stay at home? really, whoever said that has never stayed at home-- other than for holidays, perhaps...
    Really, Julie, pay no attention to that person, obviously, he doesn't know what he's talking about...I hope you won't let someone like that dampen your joy at participating on the forums or the journals

  10. Carolina Bound Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 04:00 pm

    What??? Julie, you are an inspiration to so many of us! And you don't have to justify your choices to anyone. We all have different lives and different situations, but we're all tackling them with a mind toward saving money. It doesn't matter if we work, not work, look for work, stay at home with kids, stay at home with hubbies, go to school, spoil cats and dogs, WHO CARES? We're just talking about how we make it financially. And give each other a boost now and then. I don't know what the comment was, but it was totally out of line.

  11. boomeyers Says:
    August 6th, 2006 at 04:45 pm

    Taking care of your family, whether it is a husband or a husband and ten kids, is the most important job a person can do!!

  12. kashi Says:
    August 7th, 2006 at 07:53 am

    I think you've earned it, Ima Saver. Your living and working arrangements are between you and your husband, and no one else. I didn't see the post, but it sounds like a case of envy to me...

  13. sakigt Says:
    August 7th, 2006 at 08:14 am

    Pff! The nerve...

    If anything youve made $10,000 tax free this year. Isnt it $10,060?

    Sorry the misinformed got you miffed Frown

  14. annab Says:
    August 7th, 2006 at 09:35 am

    Ya, don't worry about the haters. Just do what you do. Smile

  15. fern Says:
    August 7th, 2006 at 01:47 pm

    I ditto what kashi said.

  16. Over My Head Says:
    August 8th, 2006 at 06:19 am

    You do work. Household chores and running errands are working as is taking care of your DH business. I am currently not employed out of the home but I cook, clean, grocery shop, do the laundry, pay the bills, run the kids around, mow the yard, take care of all holidays and birthdays (including DH family), take the car for repairs, tires, etc. I dare anyone to say that I do not work! Oh, I also am finishing classes to start the nursing program so that in a couple of years I will be a nurse making good $ and my DH can work part time. People are very rude!

  17. LuckyRobin Says:
    August 8th, 2006 at 03:54 pm

    I'm sorry someone insulted you. And even if you were sponging off your husband (which you aren't) that would be between you and your husband. The only opinion that matters is his and yours.

  18. flash Says:
    August 9th, 2006 at 02:19 pm

    Julie, you are one of my favorites! I'm so sorry someone made such a comment (I didn't see it, and hopefully they will be BANNED!). Wow, I have always made more than DH, until I retired, then he did, then he retired...it never mattered! It's part of a MARRIAGE and partnership, there simply IS (or isn't) money, and you share the life, bills, and money, kit and kaboodle!

  19. Snoopy2645 Says:
    August 9th, 2006 at 08:00 pm

    Please dont leave because of some uneducated naive person!!! Do they read you are over 60 you worked your whole life you deserve time to yourself!!! I am sure you are not working because you were so frugal & actually saved money!!!


    I get rude comments all the time about not working FT I could give you alot of thoughts on those people but I will make it short please stay we all need you here!!!

  20. Kris10leigh Says:
    August 9th, 2006 at 08:19 pm

    Wow, didn't see that one, but I understand why you are upset. I try to tell myself that there are many people on message boards who say mean things just to start a fire and that I should not get bent out of shape about it. Yet it still hurts and I still find myself taking it personally...taking it to heart. When I see it happen to others, I feel saddened, but when it happens to me I can feel my blood pressure rise. Why can't people understand that they are only reading a snapshot of a person's life in places like this?

    Julie, I haven't been around very long, but already I can see that you are very much the level-headed one of the group! You are the kind-hearted, sweet one who enjoys keeping the peace. We need your kind around!

  21. ima saver Says:
    August 10th, 2006 at 07:20 am

    Oh, I am not leaving. Obviously, this person just took a dislike to me. He made an unkind remark about me before. I just hated the fact that he said I did nothing but sponge off my husband;and said some unkind things about my wonderful husband too.Jeffery deleted everything he (frugal bachelor) said about me.

  22. Broken Arrow Says:
    August 10th, 2006 at 03:37 pm

    I can understand why it would hurt, but I would not allow this individual to bother you at all.

    All he has done is reveal the extent of his ignorance by taking a small set of text on an internet forum clearly out of context, and jumped to his own conclusions; conclusions which I might add couldn't be farther away from the truth if he had tried.

    As the saying does, there's always a bad apple in every bushel, and the same is true for internet forums as well. It's happens, and I would take comfort knowing that it's him, not you.

  23. pearlieq Says:
    August 13th, 2006 at 08:02 pm

    I put frugal bachelor on ignore right after I read his first post. It was pretty easy to tell he had nothing of value to add to the community--just vitrol and pot stirring.

    Needless to say, the comment is total bull! No one gets to pass judgment on a marriage or how a couple manages money.

    No one who knew you for 5 minutes would ever accuse you of sponging off of anyone!

  24. ima saver Says:
    August 14th, 2006 at 08:26 am

    Yes, reading back to some of his first posts about his ex wife and teen daughter, I can see now that he does not like women at all. He thinks they are all spongers!

  25. markio26 Says:
    August 15th, 2006 at 11:34 am

    keep up the good work julie.... no one can hurt you, unless you let them..... hold your head up high and wish frugal bachelor all the best..... NO ONE KNOWS YOU, BETTER THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't blog anymore, i just comment or post on the forums....

  26. mjrube94 Says:
    August 16th, 2006 at 07:13 pm

    Wow...I'm a little late to the game as I was away when you posted this, and am finally catching up on back entries that I missed.

    I second the others (I guess now I "26" the others) when I tell you that I read your blog every day and think what you do is great. I'm with those who believe marriage is a PARTNERSHIP and that each one does what they need to to make it work. Obviously, after 30 years, you and your hubby seem to have it down pat. So ignore frugal bachelor and listen to the rest of us...

  27. frontporchmom Says:
    August 17th, 2006 at 07:42 pm

    Julie-- I am late in responding as well . I always say if you can not speak kindly then keep thy mouth shut...or never give up an opportunity to not talk. I read your blog alot and I really like it. I think it is a beautiful blessing to married for so long-keep up the good husband and wife team.....you are on-- and have been-- on the right track!
    Be blessed and keep your chin up dear. Again...I enjoy your blog...keep inspiring us all.

  28. LuxLiving Says:
    August 23rd, 2006 at 07:16 pm

    When the greenenvies come evidently so does the greenbile! ~FOGEDABOUDIT!~ You ooze compassion for those in greater need/less fortunate circumstances as could be seen from the moment I arrived. You cheer on the rest of us!

  29. ummabdullah Says:
    August 24th, 2006 at 03:58 pm

    Being a wife is the most difficult job in the world.. A great book called "Wifework" will put it into perspective for any person. My husband is lucky all he has to do is go to work.. and I'm lucky I don't... but could if I wanted to.. or to pass my time.. if need be. or for a few extra bobs..

    Sweetie.. you've made your own money... God has blessed you! Its not us who make money but God who gives it or takes it away. So I don't think it matters whether you work at a "real" job or not.. Its harder to stay at home anyway.. and God knows that.. Hopefully he'll give you more dividends as a bonus.

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